The past week and a half have been a combination of working from home and holidays. Yesterday I twice tried to get to work. Only to have trains cancelled on me and had to work from home. This morning I hauled my arse out of bed at 06:30 and got down to the station for 7. only to find the 3 trains within the next 20 were all cancelled as was the first train of the day. It seemed a great idea to get the bus, this meant waiting half an hour, this was preferable to standing around in a temperature of -6C for another hour waiting for 2 trains both of which would be cattletastic!
Oops! 1.5 miles in 40 mins, 10 mins of which appeared to be the driver stopping for a fag. The rest of it seemed to traffic dancing round fuckwits in transit vans who had parked in retarded places blocking the road in one direction the previous evening and who were now trying to leave.
All this sitting about on a bus has let my thoughts wander and a rather apt song has just come on, Half Man Half Biscuit's National Shite Day. I was thinking about a message I sent yesterday about Christmas. I described it as something like 'pagan festival stolen by Christians'. It was intended as tongue-in-cheek. While I do not agree with usurping Yule with their own cause for celebration, I wonder why they haven't decided it to try something similar with Ramadan and forcing Easter to coincide with it. before anyone says anything I know past behaviour is not always a benchmark for current behaviour.*
I think it is important for people to know where the true story of the festive season is from. The story of the birth of Jesus is part of it but it is not the root of it. People should be aware of this. Knowning that Father Christmas traditionally dressed in green and not red like Coca Cola's marketing have had the majority of us believe for years. Then again I think people need to learn how use a computer and be given a course in Internet etiquette before being allowed near a web site. So what do I know?
I see Xmas as the time of year where the word can shut down for a day in an increasingly 24/7/365 culture. A time where we can just enjoy ourselves, not be arseholes and relax. I do like the decorations, the lights, the atmosphere that goes along with it all. I don't like expectations the festive season puts upon us, both financially and particularly in terms of relationships. I'm not going to say it is a time for families, because it isn't always, we don't always want to spend time with our own or with the in-laws. It should be spent with people we care about, and if that involves in-laws then great, if it doesn't that's also great.
My only wishes are that we all become a bit more carimng and courteous, stop taking everything on face value and look little deeper into things, be willing to learn. Also be willing to work for something if we want it, to help try and reverse the mememe and now culture we seem to be cultivating and to show others we have more
intelligence and stronger values than the dismissive, selfish, dumbed down news guzzling, reality TV loving fools that so many seem to be devolving into.
I know those wishes aren't likely to come true, maybe it's enough to have hope and an optimistic (if slightly misguided) outlook for the future. Welcome to my world.
* Except for repetitive patterns of behaviour.
Learning by doing, fear is overrated. No one cares if you make a pillock of yourself.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Event Horizons
Life is a funny thing, sometimes I think that every so often there are fixed events that have to happen, that no matter what path in life you choose to go down, there is an event that will force itself to manifest. This does not apply to every or most events, only to the odd one or two. I am not suggesting that the event will cause a set reaction or definite other events, what I am suggesting is that we are given a choice or an opportunity. How we react to the event is our choice, and depending on how we react it may or may not have a significant impact on our lives.
A chance encounter back in August was one such event. It has been responsible for me having new girlfriend and making several changes in my life. I maybe drinking more red wine than I used to, my slight increase in eating food from Burger King is being offset with healthier homemade food, with renewed interest in cooking the rest of the time. I have also taken up cycling daily which I am enjoying, and is good for my lack of fitness.
It also feels like life has decided to try and get some potentially awkward events out of the way quickly. A couple such interesting events surfaced for the pair us in the past week. It had been discussed about meeting the new girlfriend's ex at some point, though it ended up happening far quicker than anticipated. Having someone's ex walk in the front door (two hours earlier than anticipated) and the first thing they see is you lying in bed together isn't the best way to meet someone. I'd expected to feel horribly anxious, instead I felt perfectly fine and had trouble not laughing at the situation. Still, I did what seemed like the only right course of action and went and introduced myself, which was of course painless and less awkward than anticipated.
The other event involved going for a night out and also involves an ex. While busily drinking away I was given unexpected notice of their impending presence about an hour beforehand, while out with the new girlfriend which was just bizarre. Again, when faced with the awkward situation I did the right thing (albeit hammered) and I went and said hello. Another awkward moment dealt with, I'm sure there will be plenty more to appear in the future, but for now I'm dealing with them in what seems like the right way. There are times I wonder where my moral compass came from, because I'm not sure that they make them like this anymore.
A chance encounter back in August was one such event. It has been responsible for me having new girlfriend and making several changes in my life. I maybe drinking more red wine than I used to, my slight increase in eating food from Burger King is being offset with healthier homemade food, with renewed interest in cooking the rest of the time. I have also taken up cycling daily which I am enjoying, and is good for my lack of fitness.
It also feels like life has decided to try and get some potentially awkward events out of the way quickly. A couple such interesting events surfaced for the pair us in the past week. It had been discussed about meeting the new girlfriend's ex at some point, though it ended up happening far quicker than anticipated. Having someone's ex walk in the front door (two hours earlier than anticipated) and the first thing they see is you lying in bed together isn't the best way to meet someone. I'd expected to feel horribly anxious, instead I felt perfectly fine and had trouble not laughing at the situation. Still, I did what seemed like the only right course of action and went and introduced myself, which was of course painless and less awkward than anticipated.
The other event involved going for a night out and also involves an ex. While busily drinking away I was given unexpected notice of their impending presence about an hour beforehand, while out with the new girlfriend which was just bizarre. Again, when faced with the awkward situation I did the right thing (albeit hammered) and I went and said hello. Another awkward moment dealt with, I'm sure there will be plenty more to appear in the future, but for now I'm dealing with them in what seems like the right way. There are times I wonder where my moral compass came from, because I'm not sure that they make them like this anymore.
Monday, September 20, 2010
DJ Jazzy Doogle
I have bought a lot of CDs recently. Given that I hadn't bought more than the odd one every 4-6 months if even that many, this is unusual for me. I listen to music daily, you would think I would buy quite a bit of it more of it than I seem to. I used to, then life got in the way and I just seemed to stop, and no I hadn't just decided I'd paid for enough music over the years and just decided to go off and download it off the internet for fuck all. I just seemed to grow more apathetic and picky towards music.
It's been since I picked up the deluxe version of 'Pornography'. It was never an album I'd previously rate as one of my favourite Cure albums. Listening to it now though I seem to appreciate it far more than I used to. My interest in music has been given a bit of adrenaline boost. It made me want to play alone with the songs, something I haven't really done with Cure songs in a long time, I can still remember how to play most of the basslines, even though it's been about 15 years since I learned a good chunk of them. Getting the deluxe version of 'Disintegration' the other week has further encouraged this, though not just bass but guitar parts too. I have been meaning to get round to recording some of the Schrodinger's Beard stuff for posterity more than anything and this *may* have given me enough of a boot up the arse to get a lot of the groundwork done.
In the meantime, while I summon the energy to get that project off the ground. It's nice that my passion for music seems to be back, I must remember to go order that Tim Ten Yen album I've been meaning to pick up since last year but keep forgetting about.
It's been since I picked up the deluxe version of 'Pornography'. It was never an album I'd previously rate as one of my favourite Cure albums. Listening to it now though I seem to appreciate it far more than I used to. My interest in music has been given a bit of adrenaline boost. It made me want to play alone with the songs, something I haven't really done with Cure songs in a long time, I can still remember how to play most of the basslines, even though it's been about 15 years since I learned a good chunk of them. Getting the deluxe version of 'Disintegration' the other week has further encouraged this, though not just bass but guitar parts too. I have been meaning to get round to recording some of the Schrodinger's Beard stuff for posterity more than anything and this *may* have given me enough of a boot up the arse to get a lot of the groundwork done.
In the meantime, while I summon the energy to get that project off the ground. It's nice that my passion for music seems to be back, I must remember to go order that Tim Ten Yen album I've been meaning to pick up since last year but keep forgetting about.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Life: The name of the game we all play.
That is the way it sometimes seems. We are always playing it, whether we want to or not. I could make reference to life's ups and downs being like a game of snakes and ladders but that would seem hideously obvious and somewhat naff. Why am I writing about this? Incidentally I am stood next to a fire exit typing this out out on my phone because I need the peace and quiet to think. It also feels like the right thing to be doing as it's a good opportunity to let my thoughts out of my head since life has been so hectic and in a bit of flux lately it has given me some time to reflect.
What I do know is, I'm here, I'm still in one piece and things could be far worse. No matter what you think or feel, it could always be far worse. I am back to feeling more like myself and contented enough, gearing myself to do more and drift around less.
Last night I had one of those odd feelings, I get from time to time. This particular one wasn't an unpleasant feeling, it was vaguely comforting and reassuring. It was that feeling of knowing something fairly instrumental in the shaping of the near future was in the offing. I can accept most people will think it ludicrous and wonder how the hell I would possibly know what that feels like? I don't particularly care what anyone thinks about it. That was how I felt.
I have no idea what the future holds for me, what I do know is the minute I try and picture it, I know that will definitely not happen. The future seems to want to continually change and surprise me, moving as it chooses, every time steering me in a new direction. I hope wherever it leads me that I am happy and that I never end up settling for less than I deserve. I've done that before, I spent a good chunk of 7 years not really being happy. I do not need that again.
My life seems to have a running theme where it tries to teach me to remain flexible and keep on going. I see sets of repeating patterns and cycles in it all. I look around at other people and wonder how they would deal with the same issues I have, or how well would I cope do in their shoes? Would anyone fair better than any of the others? Which of us would cope? Which of us would fail? It just makes me realise I am a far stronger person than even I thought I was. A good part of that is down to my friends, whether they've been entertaining me, taking the piss or just listening to me. I am lucky to know the people that I do. We all need to rely on other people from time to time, as "they" say 'No man is an island.' I just want to say again as I have in the past that these people have been absolutely brilliant, and that it's always good to be able to turn round and be able to talk to them about more or less anything.
There is most definitely changes in the air and whatever changes they are could change themselves in the blink of an eye. Life can throw what it wants in my direction, be it good or bad. I'm ready to take it on. I think? Maybe? I hope? Yeah! Fuck it! Why not? What have I got to lose? I should rephrase that. What have I got to gain?
What I do know is, I'm here, I'm still in one piece and things could be far worse. No matter what you think or feel, it could always be far worse. I am back to feeling more like myself and contented enough, gearing myself to do more and drift around less.
Last night I had one of those odd feelings, I get from time to time. This particular one wasn't an unpleasant feeling, it was vaguely comforting and reassuring. It was that feeling of knowing something fairly instrumental in the shaping of the near future was in the offing. I can accept most people will think it ludicrous and wonder how the hell I would possibly know what that feels like? I don't particularly care what anyone thinks about it. That was how I felt.
I have no idea what the future holds for me, what I do know is the minute I try and picture it, I know that will definitely not happen. The future seems to want to continually change and surprise me, moving as it chooses, every time steering me in a new direction. I hope wherever it leads me that I am happy and that I never end up settling for less than I deserve. I've done that before, I spent a good chunk of 7 years not really being happy. I do not need that again.
My life seems to have a running theme where it tries to teach me to remain flexible and keep on going. I see sets of repeating patterns and cycles in it all. I look around at other people and wonder how they would deal with the same issues I have, or how well would I cope do in their shoes? Would anyone fair better than any of the others? Which of us would cope? Which of us would fail? It just makes me realise I am a far stronger person than even I thought I was. A good part of that is down to my friends, whether they've been entertaining me, taking the piss or just listening to me. I am lucky to know the people that I do. We all need to rely on other people from time to time, as "they" say 'No man is an island.' I just want to say again as I have in the past that these people have been absolutely brilliant, and that it's always good to be able to turn round and be able to talk to them about more or less anything.
There is most definitely changes in the air and whatever changes they are could change themselves in the blink of an eye. Life can throw what it wants in my direction, be it good or bad. I'm ready to take it on. I think? Maybe? I hope? Yeah! Fuck it! Why not? What have I got to lose? I should rephrase that. What have I got to gain?
Thursday, January 28, 2010
There's a Mr. Gullible on the phone for you.
The iPhone seems to be everywhere at the moment. This is no doubt in part being a well designed intuitive product, as well as of a few months ago it is no longer tied to one phone network. Apple and the world's media would have us believe that the iPhone has revolutionised mobile phone technology. This is not true. A touch screen that allows for some nifty fingering and a store to buy software for your phone are certainly not revolutionary concepts, they've been about for quite a while. Apple have managed to bring these to a wider audience. Sadly a lot of the audience are the same people who believe everything they read in the papers.
I have no problem with the iPhone itself, I've had a tinker with a couple of them and thought it quite intuitive. and to be honest a good product. I mention this in case you find yourself forgetting this later on. Several of my friends own them and rate them highly. I trust the opinion of these people. In fact one of my favourite gadgets for over 3 years was my 60GB Classic Photo iPod. It would still be my favourite gadget had the hard disk in it not died. I am not comfortable with the idea that the iPhone seems to be regarded as an exciting revolutionary device, even if the components that people seem to believe are so wonderful, are in my view rather basic and have been available for a few years on other phones even before the iPhone came along.
Applications for phones are nothing new, I remember downloading Puzzlebobble on my Nokia 3100. We've all suffered the Crazy Frog thanks to Jamster, who have been hawking, games, ringtones and text sounds for years. I used to have a Nokia 9500 Communicator jam packed with software including emulators for the ZX Spectrum and C64 along with and many other distractions. They were never used than a handful of times, so Apple's 'App Store', a repository of similar software, for me, holds the same kind of appeal as a Pot Noodle. You buy one, take it home, and devour it, only to find it rather unsatisfying and not the tasty treat you were expecting and decide you'll probably not have another one, or if you do it'll be a different flavour and when you do you find it's just as unsatisfying. The App Store gives off the impression that is crammed full of pieces of software that once you download them will be unable to think anything other than "WOW! I can't believe no one thought of this before!" While nifty apps are a good thing, but what worries me is that there are hoardes of halfwits out there who lap up this kind of marketing bullshit. The kind of people think the iPhone itself is responsible for apparent wave of creative software when such handy pieces of software along with free clones of commercial products for computers for years as quick look though download.com or sourceforge.net will prove. Anyone with half a brain and any degree of problem solving ability can write a program. I've written apps to make my life easier at work or to get round problems, it's not fucking rocket science or a spectacular explosion of my talents, it's the simple task of sitting down pulling your finger out of your arse and applying yourself to the task for a few hours/days/weeks.
Why should people shell out money for an application that costs around 4 or 5 quid that coughs up train times, when the National Rail Enquiries website does the same thing for nothing. There's a lot of apps out there that will be bought with the intention of being used then used once or twice, decide there is no real need for the app and then it will be forgotten about. On my N96 I have a couple of apps installed, one is PacMan, which I never bother playing the other is Mobbler, that I actually use quite frequently which reports what tunes I listen to back to my Last.fm profile. I never have any need for any other custom app. Though I might go for a decent Twitter app if there's one kicking about. I have no need of any other apps or games really on my phone. I don't feel there is need to try and drown my phone in pointless applications. If I want to be entertained when I'm out and about I'll either use the Internet, listen to some music or watch whatever comedy series I've copied on to my phone for a long journey.
Touchscreens are nothing new either, I work for a company that has been building touchscreen products for many years, even our products from 11 years ago, look far superior to the very outdated, gaudy Windows 3.11 looking software that kicks about on some of our rivals products even now. The iPhone may have made good use of the touch screen using two fingered movements, but how exactly is this an exciting change? It's not. Innovative? Maybe a little.
I'll let you in on a little secret, I owned a Nokia N95 for 18 months, I loved it. So when it came round so contact renewal time, I looked at both the Nokia N96 and the Apple iPhone. With the Nokia I knew I was getting a phone that functioned well as an actual phone. The design I thought was a nifty update that makes the N95 look outdated. It still used the Symbian operating system which I find superior to the operating systems of other manufacturers phones. A five megapixel camera that not only takes good photograph when you're out and about but also records a decent quality video. * Now how could I go from having a decent camera to having a phone that didn't (at the time - if my memory serves me correctly) support bluetooth or downgrade to a camera that was mince by comparisson? 1.3 Megapixels? Let's face it we don't always carry a digital camera around with us to be able to capture those shots that amuse or inspire us. The N96 would allow me to do it at a decent quality, so the answer was simple really. The N96 won, and even now I still think I made the right decision.
The iPhone may well be a good innovative product, bringing together elements which alone aren't much but coupled together along with an intuitive interface, something that I know from experience with my iPod, Apple do well. What I don't like about the iPhone is that it appears to rely on marketing hype and people being amazed by a slightly new version of somewhat old technology. Is there anyone you've met who has just got an iPhone who has tried to show you how great they think it is, on the basis of some app they've bought? Nope I didn't think there was. I get quite fucked off with the "LOOK! Buy Shiny phone! Fill with great apps! OOOOH!!! EXCITING!!! You are now cool!!!" advertising. It's the kind of thing that most of the population inhale deeply and seem to enjoy, while the rest of us find it a rather unpleasant stench and are slowly choking to death on it. I'll stick to judging phones on how well they suit me, rather than how fancy it looks and what pointless cool things it's capable of.
* ok that wasn't my N96, I just wanted to use that version of Use My Arse, here's one off the N96 and here's another example me arsing around in the office at lunchtime with my N95, which I believe has the same camera as the N96.
I have no problem with the iPhone itself, I've had a tinker with a couple of them and thought it quite intuitive. and to be honest a good product. I mention this in case you find yourself forgetting this later on. Several of my friends own them and rate them highly. I trust the opinion of these people. In fact one of my favourite gadgets for over 3 years was my 60GB Classic Photo iPod. It would still be my favourite gadget had the hard disk in it not died. I am not comfortable with the idea that the iPhone seems to be regarded as an exciting revolutionary device, even if the components that people seem to believe are so wonderful, are in my view rather basic and have been available for a few years on other phones even before the iPhone came along.
Applications for phones are nothing new, I remember downloading Puzzlebobble on my Nokia 3100. We've all suffered the Crazy Frog thanks to Jamster, who have been hawking, games, ringtones and text sounds for years. I used to have a Nokia 9500 Communicator jam packed with software including emulators for the ZX Spectrum and C64 along with and many other distractions. They were never used than a handful of times, so Apple's 'App Store', a repository of similar software, for me, holds the same kind of appeal as a Pot Noodle. You buy one, take it home, and devour it, only to find it rather unsatisfying and not the tasty treat you were expecting and decide you'll probably not have another one, or if you do it'll be a different flavour and when you do you find it's just as unsatisfying. The App Store gives off the impression that is crammed full of pieces of software that once you download them will be unable to think anything other than "WOW! I can't believe no one thought of this before!" While nifty apps are a good thing, but what worries me is that there are hoardes of halfwits out there who lap up this kind of marketing bullshit. The kind of people think the iPhone itself is responsible for apparent wave of creative software when such handy pieces of software along with free clones of commercial products for computers for years as quick look though download.com or sourceforge.net will prove. Anyone with half a brain and any degree of problem solving ability can write a program. I've written apps to make my life easier at work or to get round problems, it's not fucking rocket science or a spectacular explosion of my talents, it's the simple task of sitting down pulling your finger out of your arse and applying yourself to the task for a few hours/days/weeks.
Why should people shell out money for an application that costs around 4 or 5 quid that coughs up train times, when the National Rail Enquiries website does the same thing for nothing. There's a lot of apps out there that will be bought with the intention of being used then used once or twice, decide there is no real need for the app and then it will be forgotten about. On my N96 I have a couple of apps installed, one is PacMan, which I never bother playing the other is Mobbler, that I actually use quite frequently which reports what tunes I listen to back to my Last.fm profile. I never have any need for any other custom app. Though I might go for a decent Twitter app if there's one kicking about. I have no need of any other apps or games really on my phone. I don't feel there is need to try and drown my phone in pointless applications. If I want to be entertained when I'm out and about I'll either use the Internet, listen to some music or watch whatever comedy series I've copied on to my phone for a long journey.
Touchscreens are nothing new either, I work for a company that has been building touchscreen products for many years, even our products from 11 years ago, look far superior to the very outdated, gaudy Windows 3.11 looking software that kicks about on some of our rivals products even now. The iPhone may have made good use of the touch screen using two fingered movements, but how exactly is this an exciting change? It's not. Innovative? Maybe a little.
I'll let you in on a little secret, I owned a Nokia N95 for 18 months, I loved it. So when it came round so contact renewal time, I looked at both the Nokia N96 and the Apple iPhone. With the Nokia I knew I was getting a phone that functioned well as an actual phone. The design I thought was a nifty update that makes the N95 look outdated. It still used the Symbian operating system which I find superior to the operating systems of other manufacturers phones. A five megapixel camera that not only takes good photograph when you're out and about but also records a decent quality video. * Now how could I go from having a decent camera to having a phone that didn't (at the time - if my memory serves me correctly) support bluetooth or downgrade to a camera that was mince by comparisson? 1.3 Megapixels? Let's face it we don't always carry a digital camera around with us to be able to capture those shots that amuse or inspire us. The N96 would allow me to do it at a decent quality, so the answer was simple really. The N96 won, and even now I still think I made the right decision.
The iPhone may well be a good innovative product, bringing together elements which alone aren't much but coupled together along with an intuitive interface, something that I know from experience with my iPod, Apple do well. What I don't like about the iPhone is that it appears to rely on marketing hype and people being amazed by a slightly new version of somewhat old technology. Is there anyone you've met who has just got an iPhone who has tried to show you how great they think it is, on the basis of some app they've bought? Nope I didn't think there was. I get quite fucked off with the "LOOK! Buy Shiny phone! Fill with great apps! OOOOH!!! EXCITING!!! You are now cool!!!" advertising. It's the kind of thing that most of the population inhale deeply and seem to enjoy, while the rest of us find it a rather unpleasant stench and are slowly choking to death on it. I'll stick to judging phones on how well they suit me, rather than how fancy it looks and what pointless cool things it's capable of.
* ok that wasn't my N96, I just wanted to use that version of Use My Arse, here's one off the N96 and here's another example me arsing around in the office at lunchtime with my N95, which I believe has the same camera as the N96.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
A trendy watch will make you appear a well-off person.
I seem to get a lot of spam to an email account that should be discontinued, they all follow the same structure, subject, single sentence and a linkto some iffy website. I find them quite funny. Who would buy something from these people?
Your male member can be as huge as Titanic.
You will be surprised how deep it can go.
How did they know my MP was male, I think drowning politicians is a great idea!
---
Your instrument will be so large you will be able to touch the ceiling with it.
Now you can show the people that used to make fun of you what you are worth.
How is someone meant to get on top of it if it's hitting the ceiling?
---
Average joes don't come in this size.
Drive crazy any chick with your mega super stick.
I am getting mental images of dendropheliac girls chasing a bloke carry a large tree branch. To the Benny Hill theme.
---
Get a better sex life now.
Battle of the largest sausage.
Idea for ITV1, they only show shit programmes anyway. SAUSAGE WARS, high street butchers and supermarket butchers battle to the death using only sausages as weapons. Who will be the one to cause the fatal blow?
---
Looking good is all that matters
A trendy watch will make you appear a well-off person.
I must appear well off, can't look like I'm not, what will the neighbours think? Quick hide behind the sofa for two weeks then hit the tanning booth, they'll think I've been off on an expensive holiday!
---
Now nothing can stand on your way to the male success.
Now you will have Hard Rock not only on your Cd's but in your pants as well.
I don't want a cafe in my pants.
---
You don't have to make up stupid excuses now - the blue pill will make you a man.
You will always have noontime in your pants.
Yeah because walking about all day with an erection isn't going to cause problems if you go out in public or don't want your bladder to explode.
---
Women are staring at you because they know what power you've got.
The magic blue pill will wake up your little friend in a few minutes.
I have power? This makes me sound like I'm Harry Potter or something, and who is this little friend? How do they know I have rats? I'd rather let the little monsters sleep.
---
Yes, girls always tell their girlfriends about the men they sleep with.
You can't party when your instrument is dead.
I have several instruments and can easily repair broken ones, and there's always a spare. Also let's face it, anticipation combined with removing clothing will do it for most men anyway.
Your male member can be as huge as Titanic.
You will be surprised how deep it can go.
How did they know my MP was male, I think drowning politicians is a great idea!
---
Your instrument will be so large you will be able to touch the ceiling with it.
Now you can show the people that used to make fun of you what you are worth.
How is someone meant to get on top of it if it's hitting the ceiling?
---
Average joes don't come in this size.
Drive crazy any chick with your mega super stick.
I am getting mental images of dendropheliac girls chasing a bloke carry a large tree branch. To the Benny Hill theme.
---
Get a better sex life now.
Battle of the largest sausage.
Idea for ITV1, they only show shit programmes anyway. SAUSAGE WARS, high street butchers and supermarket butchers battle to the death using only sausages as weapons. Who will be the one to cause the fatal blow?
---
Looking good is all that matters
A trendy watch will make you appear a well-off person.
I must appear well off, can't look like I'm not, what will the neighbours think? Quick hide behind the sofa for two weeks then hit the tanning booth, they'll think I've been off on an expensive holiday!
---
Now nothing can stand on your way to the male success.
Now you will have Hard Rock not only on your Cd's but in your pants as well.
I don't want a cafe in my pants.
---
You don't have to make up stupid excuses now - the blue pill will make you a man.
You will always have noontime in your pants.
Yeah because walking about all day with an erection isn't going to cause problems if you go out in public or don't want your bladder to explode.
---
Women are staring at you because they know what power you've got.
The magic blue pill will wake up your little friend in a few minutes.
I have power? This makes me sound like I'm Harry Potter or something, and who is this little friend? How do they know I have rats? I'd rather let the little monsters sleep.
---
Yes, girls always tell their girlfriends about the men they sleep with.
You can't party when your instrument is dead.
I have several instruments and can easily repair broken ones, and there's always a spare. Also let's face it, anticipation combined with removing clothing will do it for most men anyway.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Today has been strange.
It's been a bit weird.
First this... I know it's The Sun, but it is.. utterly... well just look at the picture.
Then this from Popbitch:
Full Info Click Here
Most people who have engaged in masturbation know that the culmination of this sexual act ends in shame. I don't have to share with you the thousands of emails of the admittance of this shame because you know all too well since you have experienced it yourself. Curled up in a fetal position, crying, because your bed is even more empty and you're lonelier than you did before you violated yourself...Because God never created sex so that you could gratify yourself. The dictionary defined masturbation as self abuse...the miss use of yourself. The mistreatment, the manipulation, the exploitation of YOU.
First this... I know it's The Sun, but it is.. utterly... well just look at the picture.
Then this from Popbitch:
Full Info Click Here
Which has a link to another site where we get told why masturbation is a sin:
Most people who have engaged in masturbation know that the culmination of this sexual act ends in shame. I don't have to share with you the thousands of emails of the admittance of this shame because you know all too well since you have experienced it yourself. Curled up in a fetal position, crying, because your bed is even more empty and you're lonelier than you did before you violated yourself...Because God never created sex so that you could gratify yourself. The dictionary defined masturbation as self abuse...the miss use of yourself. The mistreatment, the manipulation, the exploitation of YOU.
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