Anxiety Redux

It was recently mental health awareness Day. I posted the following on Facebook because I felt compelled to say something, I have edit it and cleaned it up a little.

Ah, the joys of national (or is it world) mental health day, as someone who has experienced such issues I am more interested in the fact it would have been Kirsty McColl's 60th birthday. 'Tropical Brainstorm' is a fantastic piece of work, which has accompanied me on holiday numerous times. 

A nice bit of deflection there, a trick for changing the subject to avoid talking about how you feel from other people. It is so easy to hide how you feel and what you think and not want to have anyone making a fuss when you aren't right because it can feel like drawing attention to yourself in a way you aren't comfortable with. Other times it can something you feel you have to ride out and focus on just getting through it. Often just talking about it makes a massive difference and sometimes it feels so difficult to get into that head space. Sometimes you need someone to listen without comment. Sometimes it is enough to hear the words spoken aloud.

My anxiety has controlled me the past in just want to hide from things, by making me feel like I can't be arsed, and in more unpleasant incidents caused obsessions some seem serious some not so much.

 Often I would feel  need to collect sets of things (usually music), the strongest one resulted me collecting a near full set of KLF/JAMs records over a couple of years, which doesn't seem bad. However imagine when that consumes your thoughts and waiting for pay day so you can order another record, it doesn't matter if you have a high quality mp3 of the tunes from that record, the need to have a physical copy was not fun when it spends so much time occupying my thoughts.

In a more serious case being able to to sleep or eat properly for a couple of months or a year or two ago someone at work had been an unreasonable arsehole on several occasions, so much so that the thought of having to talk to them or deal with them had me regularly having unpleasant intrusive thoughts as my self worth eroded. My wife witnessed such a conversation once and was shocked by how they talked to me.

These days things are much better, pills got me back on even keel enough for a year or two so I was to not bothered by things and be able to properly switch off and relax, before eventually coming off them because they were having adverse affects on my behaviour. 

Speaking to a psychologist was the key for me, for getting to the root of issues and working for the best ways to deal with various situations. Nowadays picking up on when something is amiss is much easier. 

Occasionally I have the odd bad day, on those days I behave in a manner which I think clearly highlights to everyone that I am not having a good day, when it does not come across like this. 

In my head it is, "Look, I'm clearly not right, how can you not see it???" It is similar to when I say something ridiculous or a bit 'out there' on the basis that it so silly or what I think is obviously tongue in cheek, yet other people don't pick up on this and I can't see how they dont. I wonder if anyone else out there does this. Maybe other people out there think like this and makes it seems like some people are masking their issues when they're not?

As Bob Hoskins used to say in the BT adverts, "It's good to talk." What he didn't say is that sometimes it easier to speak to people who know very little about you, and that's ok.

Xmas 2018 - Anthemic In Places

It's that time of year again. It's my annual Xmas mix which has nothing to do with Xmas, it's just a collection of tracks relevant to this year, whether it's something I was introduced to or perhaps some artists I'd seen live, along with a few oldies thrown in. It's possible some kind of insight into the state of mental health.

This year, I saw The Lovely Eggs, Ned's Atomic Dustbin (who I'd been waiting to see since 1992), The Wonder Stuff and Robyn Hitchcock, so there's tracks from them here.

Album wise, there has been a few good ones this year.

Not With That Attitude - The fantastic debut album from Fightmilk.
Livin' The Dream - The 3rd album from Keith Top Of The Pops & His Minor UK Indie Celebrity All-Star Backing Band
Kindnssizaviruz - First album from Carfax since Minky Pauve in the early 2000s. :
Custodian - Miles Hunt released a double CD of acoustic tracks by The Wonder Stuff and his own solo efforts.
Wham! Bam! Pow! Let's Rock Out! - Art Brut are back, with more energy than a toddler drinking Red Bull.
Nostalgia - The Pound Shop Boys released their collection of dancey versions of TV themes. They are Ricardo Autobahn of Spray and Phil Fletcher (Hacker T. Dog)
Mixed Up (Deluxe Edition) - The Cure. Mixed Up, was a collection of about around six 12" mixes of Cure Single, with a few extras thrown in. The Deluxe Edition, not only sees a 2nd CD of other Cure 12" Single mixes, including the previously unreleased mix of The Love Cats. It is bundled with an album called Torn Down, where Robert has taken a track from each Cure studio album and remixed it. I wrote a review of it here.

Akira The Don, had started making a lot of Lo-Fi music under his Meaning Wave banner, but he did release his new single The Golden Age, included here for your enjoyment.

This year was also the 20th anniversary of Abdoujaparov, Les Carter's post Carter USM band.

Warning: contains *THE* sound of the summer. 'Anthologised By Cherry Red' from Spray

The Shoogly Table

Remix, Remaster, Re-Issue

I have mixed opinions on re-issues, sometimes they're good, and worth it, other times it really does seem like cashing in. In the digital age, it's great to be able to get our mitts on b-sides and demos and unreleased material that's not always easy to get a hold of. On the other hand it can be quite dull, particularly if the demos sound like weak versions of the final tracks, or live versions that don't stand out much,you have to ask yourself, what is the point in buying it.

Thankfully The Cure are a band where re-issues work in their favour. The original CD versions of 'Faith' and 'Pornography' suffered from sounding weaker and quieter than the cassette and vinyl versions, and with unreleased tracks and the instrumental film soundtracks to their tour films, Carnage Visors and Airlock.

Earlier this year, The Cure bestowed upon us the 3 CD deluxe edition of 1990s Mixed Up. Which served up the singles 'Never Enough' and under the sea 'Closer Mix' of 'Close To Me'.





CD1 - Mixed Up
Mixed Up itself is a strange beast, drawing together 12" mixes of Lullaby, Love Song and the near 9 minute long version of Fascination Street, which was released in the US. Also included are a re-recorded, more modern sounding, 'Everything Mix' of The Walk. The original master tapes had been lost. There is also the boring 'Tree Remix' of  A Forest. 

There's also the 12" mix of Hot! Hot! Hot! which is one of my personal highlights of Mixed Up. Sadly the album stumbles a bit, with the pretty awful 'Dub' mix of Pictures of You, which the baggy bass and drums just don't seem to sit comfortably in. The 'Flicker' mix of The Caterpillar and the 'Shiver Mix' of Inbetween Days feel they are lacking something, at least they tried something different but along with the mix of a Forest feel like these tracks are dragging down the album somewhat.

CD 2 - Remixes 1982-1990
This is where the dusty gems are hidden.
There are mainly 12" mixes, but the things is The Cure do good do a good 12" mix. There's of Let's Go To Bed and in particular Just One Kiss to remind you of why you want to be listening to The Cure.

Close To Me features again, along with the 1986 re-recorded mix of Boy's Don't Cry. The fun doesn't stop there, Why Can't I Be You? which originally only appeared on the Cassette and Double Vinyl of Mixed Up, but now available to everyone along with 12" mix of it's b-side A Japanese Dream. There's finally a place to the full extended single mix of Pictures Of You (my vinyl copy kept skipping).

There's also the b-side mixes from Close To Me and Never Enough, which comprise of the 'Milk Mix' of Let's Go To Bed, 'Dizzy Mix' of Just Like Heaven and the 'Red Mix' of Primary. Rounded off by what I was once led to believe was the 'demo' version of The Love Cats, it sounds better than the original and is actually the 'TC and Benny Mix'.

CD 3 -Torn Down
Robert Smith decided to remix one of his favourite tracks from each Cure album. The result is Torn Down, which is very much a mixed bag.

Three Imaginary Boys (Help Me Mix)
The original drums and bass are out the window, with a underwater arpy sounding synth plodding away in the background, with the guitar over the top. An interesting way to go about it.

M (Attack Mix)
Similar approach to the previous mix, but sounds less claustrophic and depressing.

The Drowning Man (Bright Birds Mix)
Here's one of the reasons you should buy this album, tracks like this one. This sounds like it could easily have been an unreleased mix of the song from the time of Faith. Different piano and strings along with the odd effect really add to the atmosphere of this song.

Strange Day (Drowning Waves Mix)
Another one of those tracks that is worth buying this for, there's additions of background synths of a 1985ish era that remind me of A-Ha for some reason.  It just adds something extra to the tune.

Just One Kiss (Remember Mix)
This is an interesting alternative mix or the track, it doesn't take anything away from it, but it doesn't add that much either. That's not a bad thing.

Shake Dog Shake (New Blood Mix)
A bit boring really, similar to the previous track. I've never really been that partial to this song though.

A Night Like This (Hello Goodbye Mix)
Personally this is not my bag. The more pronounced saxophone on it, and the saw synth that is subtly in the background. Much prefer the original, this mix changes the atmosphere of the original song.

Like Cockatoos (Lonely In The Rain Mix)
This is different and unexpected, though the stabbing synth added to this, it could possibly do without. It makes it seem that Robert was running ideas a bit for mixes, following a similar pattern. It's an enjoyable enough track though.

Plainsong (Edge Of The World Mix)
Plainsong is a track that would be very difficult to improve. This mix, changes the atmosphere from the original, and makes it sound brighter and happier, it's not bad, it's just different.

Never Enough (Time To Kill Mix)
Robert said he went back to the demo to create this, and it shows. The demo isn't that far off the original and this feels more like a demo of Never Enough than a mix, you're better off listening to the single version.

From The Edge Of The Deep Green Sea (Love In Vain Mix)
It feels like there's lots of extra strings in this and it works really well.

Want (Time Mix)
It's like an angrier sounding version of Want, that isn't quite as good as the original. It feels it's been done in a rush, a bit copy'n'paste.

The Last Day Of Summer (31st August Mix)
Feels like an alternative mix of the album track, works well.

Cut Here (If Only Mix)
Looses some of the energy of the original, but doesn't lose anything else.

Lost (Found Mix)
This is the title track on the self titled album 'The Cure', which was pretty samey and indisinct apart from 'The End of The World' and 'Alt End' the musical rehash of Seventeen Seconds' track In Your House. I haven't listened to the original in ages, and a quick visit to YouTube reminds me why, it's fucking awful. Thankfully this mix sounds far better and less whiny.

It's Over (Whisper Mix)
I did like 4:13 Dream, but I never listened to it that much. This album felt like The Cure were getting their mojo back, partly I'm sure to long time Cure guitarist Porl Thomson returning to the fold. Another quick trip to YouTube, tell me that, this is different in a good way to the original, which was also enjoyable.

All in all, the deluxe version of Mixed Up is worth any Cure fan picking up. Even though it suffers in places, at least The Cure have tried different things rather than just churning out the same old thing.

Postcard Town

It is generally regarded that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. This is true when it comes to sofas. Did you really believe we go through enough cattle in the UK to supply enough leather for all the sofa shops? You can blame Paul McCartney for that one. There has been a need to find another source. An initiative from the Conservative government to allow relax rules regarding the actual source of leather to keep the sofa industry buoyant.

Did you ever notice the large number of tanning salons? Do you remember the family of orange  neighbours you knew well who moved away? You've lost touch with them haven't you? Everyone else has too.

Spoiler Versions - Jack Adaptor

It has been over 10 years since I bought an album by Jack Adaptor. I got their debut self titled CD and single 'No Logos'.  I'd been really into The Family Cat, so with singer Paul Frederick having a new project with Christopher Cordoba was something I was interested in.

In those 10 years life got in the way of a lot. Not to fear, with the joys of social media, I was pointed in the direction of 'Spoiler Versions', the new Jack Adaptor album. My default "want" for a new album is something fast and catchy, this had been my ingrained feeling for years, I want something exciting. As I've matured over the years, my ears are more open to more styles and slower tempos. Though I still wonder why Garbage ever bothered with 'Milk'. I just can't warm to that song. That's off topic though.

Let's start with the artwork, like a section of a finger painted rainbow with many layers, across it a rain of mainly white and silver. Is it a metaphor for the record? Is it art? Am I reading too much into it and it's just a nice design?

The album begins with Paul's familiar voice drifts over the top of a slow beat with piano and subdued guitar. It all fits together nicely, I just want to put the big headphones on to block out the world, close my eyes, tune in and listen.

I hate writing things, mainly because I always think of a better way to have written something later, once it's been released into the wild. As I write this particular sentence, I'm getting perhaps some helpful wisdom from the second track 'Proven Warrior'. Oh it's not perfect, but it will have to do for now. A track that sounds like it means business.

A harpsichord and acoustic guitar provide the vehicle for guest vocalist Claudia Brücken (of German 80s synthpop band Propaganda) on 'Say When'. Propaganda, I've just gone off to investigate on YouTube, and Claudia's vocals are not what I'd thought would work with Jack Adaptor's sound, given Propaganda's sound. She sounds less harsh and the vocals fit the song like a glove.

'Glue Man' has me heading back off to chill out land, like the opener. I have trouble trying to describe the sound of both tracks, other than they are both uniquely Jack Adaptor!

For me, one of the signs of a good artist, is taking type of sound that I'm really not that into and using it in a way that changes my mind. Here the 70s influenced funk sounds of 'Navigating The Amazon' manage to do that.

'Pionus', a slow and sad track, that my mind says would be how musically the Cocteau Twins would sound without their distinctive chorus effects. The guitar has a deeply reflective feel, and I imagine  I'm a slowly floating down a river.

I'm half expecting a vocoded Sexy Boy! to jump out of the next track when I hear familiar sounding synth kicking off the  'The Road To Bali'. However, this is Jack Adaptor not Air, and this not a rip off, or homage to Air. Before telling the tale of not managing to be with the girl he wants.

What follows sounds like the ballad of a drag queen's lost love on 'Queen of the Universe' before heading out onto the stage. I could have this completely wrong, but that's what I've taken from the lyrics: The butterflies have flown into another soul. Behind the scenes of the loveless, putting on my mascara as I fill my role. I'm going on...

The tone changes to a more upbeat sounding 'Oppenheimer in Manhattan', though given Oppenheimer being the director of the institute that developed the Manhattan project. When you know this, the the children's backing vocals on the chorus, give the song an unnerving quality at what feels like the the normalised outlook of the destructive nature of the project, though from the lyrics, this sounds exactly the point. Oppenheimer himself was opposed to the development of the hydrogen bomb.

A riff on a piano in an empty village hall, sets off the final track 'I Wish It Could Be Better'. It appears to be a lament on a current love. As it goes on a nicely understated, very quiet, noisey, perhaps shoegazey guitar that slowly swells without ever intruding.

These days I need to music to take me somewhere, even if I've been there before, as long as it does it in it's own way, that's good. Spoiler Versions takes me somewhere I didn't know I wanted to go, but am glad it did. This is perfect music for chilling out. This album tells me I've been missing out on Jack Adaptor, so time to look at filling in the back catalogue.

Spoiler Versions - Jack Adapter

Edited the original post... to read it click below...

https://professionaldisorganisation.blogspot.co.uk/2018/05/spoiler-versions-jack-adaptor.html