Fruit Doesn't Grow In Fridges

Other than bacteria and mould not much grows in a fridge. Fridges are dark, cold places and while they're nice for keeping our favourite beverages chilled, I don't think anyone would want to live in one. No one wants to have their growth stunted physically, mentally or emotionally, living in a fridge would do exactly that to a person, so why oh why do we seem to develop out here in the nice warm world* like we've been living in a fridge. Think back to the time someone told you that you were shit at something, were you actually shit at it, or were they just putting you down, either due to jealousy or just being malicious and wanting you fail. If it's negative feedback, we let it get to us, instead of ignoring and rising above it, if people offered constructive criticism life would be a much better place, we could learn more, grow more and develop our skills and as a result end up as better human beings.

Here's a tip: if people don't ever offer you feedback, they either a) have bothered checking something out or b) probably too afraid to say "I didn't like it.", which if it's not their cup of tea, is fair game, but they need to remember you are not a fragile egocenteric*** and that you can accept it.

* Though if you've been outside "Brrrrrr! It's a bit nippy out"**
** Yes this bit is stolen from The Mary Whitehouse Experience.
*** If you are like this and if you are and take constructive criticism badly you poor delicate flower, then grow up and grow a pair (the pair you require will depend on gender).

"I may have done what was expected rather than what I wanted."

I read this yesterday and started thinking about how often most of us live this way. We let things just wash over us whether it's for an easy life or perhaps because we're blocking something from our vision. From my own experience I know unhealthy this can be. Stress, indigestion, insomnia and general misery are just a few of the thrills to be experienced before heading towards a minor breakdown.

Using the superpower that we all possess, hindsight, I can easily identify the numerous regrets because I did either what was expected of me or because I didn't want to rock the boat. I know the reasoning behind each, and me now asking me then, "What the hell were you doing?", in a similar way to when a parent asks a child why they've just done something incredibly stupid, but in the child's view they can't fathom out why it's frowned upon. I can't quite work it out either, I knew at the time what I should do, but never did because of fear. Fear of repercussions, fear of failure, fear of getting it wrong. It was the day I faced that fear that I started to become who I wanted to be, stupidly I was in my twenties by this point, but the mounting up of times I did what was expected and not being happy about it, along with every time I held my tongue, slowly built towards giving me the strength to realise what I had to do. Everytime I did what was expected it was like another part of me was lost, sounds melodramatic, but when you find yourself freed of restraints you realise how much of yourself you'd recovered.

Nowadays, I'm more inclined to register disatisfaction or debate points, when before I'd bebe desperate to avoid arguments and fights. I'm also less inclined to give a shit about what people think or how they perceive me. I know I create a particular impression sometimes, but if people actually bothered to stop and ask some questions, you might see that is not the only part of me. In spite of this I still look at myself and try to keep my head in check and look at what I'm doing and am aware of the effects and potential impacts of what I am doing. I did wonder the other day if I was getting old as I feel a bit disconnected, but no, life is moving on in various ways, I can see it with my friends, they're "growing up" as it were, buying houses. C'mon, I did that 10 years ago! I feel grown up these days, I am in a relationship that doesn't feel rushed, one that has taught me I am good with kids, they find me fun and engaging, which is something even I doubted. Also I have someone who isn't afraid to ask me questions and vise versa, always discussions, never arguments. While even now I have expectations placed upon me, such as I won't lock my girlfriend's children in a cupboard when they're naughty. That I have to behave slightly differently around kids, not calling mocking them when they do something dim, watching what I say around them , or referring to baked beans as farties. I tolerate people I'd rather not, for the sake of others. I talk about the things that annoy me from time to time and as a result I feel for once I have a fairly clear perspective on my life. I also accept that at any point I may be proven wrong, but what's different is that now I'm living more in the moment than I used to and not worrying too much about it. I am now in a position feeling comfortable enough to start doing what I want and I where don't feel restricted by anything or anyone other than time. I know I will have to be patient for some of the things I want, but that's easy, they'll come along, while I'm waiting I'm going to be too busy enjoying life.

Scottish Independence?

The answer is I don't know. When I was younger I didn't see the point in devolution and thought it was a waste of money. While I think paying MSPs the salary we do is a waste, and as much as I despise "Suntan" Sheridan he was right about one thing, how much MSPs should be paid. Now we have Independence rearing it's head. A subject that has generally been avoided/laughed at and regarded as a pipe dream by central government and many in the Scottish Parliament. That's suddenly changed. Cameron is now shitting himself, suddenly this has gone from a dream to a very real possibility and is starting to panic along with many. They want a quick, cut and dried answer to all this, and I don't think that is sensible in this situation. Unlike the younger me, I have the magical power of hindsight, I see that Scotland having more control over how it runs has been a good thing. For it have more control in a fiscal sense, seems more than reasonable, it does not operate in the same way as England, so why not operate it in a more sensible way?

However full independence? I don't know what to think. Given the global financial situation, the EU is looking somewhat shaky, is going it alone a good idea? What will happen? Could England be better off, while Scotland flounders or vise versa? Would both countries suffer or would both flourish? No one actually knows, not Salmond, nor Cameron. Would Scotland be seen as a new country perfect for criminal regimes or would it be left alone? Again, no one knows. The only thing we do know is that politicians lie, however which ones are lying in this case is anyone's guess. The only part that makes me sad about this is that Scotland would retain the queen as head of state, I'd much prefer a republic.

I'll certainly be voting, but which way I don't know, then again I have a third option, emigrating.

If you're bored...

I am trying to motivate myself to blog at least twice a week, and create a badly drawn cartoon three times a week. I'm still using Mindbloom and leaving it open in my browser as a daily "todo" list and it's working quite well, as you can see I've written various entries. In other creative ventures, I'm also trying to create some new music and write some lyrics, I want to get back into a band and do something I like and not give much of  a fuck if anyone else likes it or not.


Here's a couple of things one is mine, the other obviously isn't. One motivates, the both amuse. And one has a not bad depiction of an AK-47.

'Oasis' - Amanda Palmer.

It's not really that far.

A few time people have asked me why I live in Fife, and to be fair the answer was simply, if I wanted to own a house, it was somewhere I could afford to do so. People seem to have some odd ideas about how living outside of Edinburgh. "Is it not too far?" or "I'd hate all that travelling." Comments from my old manager about how he could never live outside the Edinburgh bypass as it's too far away. It started me thinking. I remembered when I lived in Leith briefly and was lazy and got the bus every day. It felt like it took an age some days. I wondered what it would be like getting to work if I still lived there, approx 2.5 miles from my place of work instead of the current 15 miles. 

Currently I get up at 06:45 and aim to leave at 07:10, usually fail and leave at 07:20. If I didn't use my biek I would need to leave at 07:10 to get a train that would get me in on time for starting at 08:00. Now if I lived in Edinburgh (According to Google Maps) to get from the Foot of Leith Walk to my workplace would take 52 mins walking and 31 mins by bus. Given I walk faster that what Google's appears to assume is an average walking speed of 3mph, I might shave off up to about 10 mins off that time and take about 40 mins.

So pretending I live in Edinburgh near the Foot of the Walk, I start at 08:00 and leave at 07:10 I would get in at 07:50, and be fair puggled but well exercised, if I left 10 mins later and got the bus, I'd get in at the same time. Now, if I leave my house 15 miles from Edinburgh at 07:20, cycle  to a train station (1.5 miles), get the train to Haymarket and walk to the office, I get in at 07:55. If I leave at 07:10 and walk to a different station (0.75 miles), get a train to Haymarket, I get in the office at 07:55.

For simplicity, here it is in a table.



So um, yeah all that travelling? It probably takes me less time for me to get to work than a lot of folks in the city. 6 times the distance and not so different journey times? That really is fucked up.

The natural order of things.

For years it has never really bothered me, it was only recently that I started to get bugged by it. In the age of "shuffle" and mp3s, I find myself increasingly listening to whole albums in their intended order. It's not that they sound "wrong", but it's not "right" either, the songs don't seem fit and flow together as well as they should. I find myself purposely putting albums in the CD player as opposed to listening to them through iTunes or on my phone. It might sound silly but it seems far easier to skip a track on iTunes or my phone, usually because it's in front of me, the CD player on the other hand is on the other side of the room.

Shuffling songs isn't like making a mixtape in the days of old, when you'd carefully put together songs which flowed well, I learned much from this, I still have all my mixtapes, some just by one artist, I can pick some of the up and wonder what the hell was going on in my mind when I made certain selections, others I've actually dug out years later and stuck in the tape deck because those were the ones that work, they still fit together because I'd got it right. It may not be in context with the album it's from but it mixes in well into a "new" album if you like.

Mixtapes are one thing but back in albumworld I think we're in danger of losing the idea that context is important. Out there in Major Label land, I read an article about how the album is becoming less important, record labels are trying different deals like signing someone for so many songs instead of 3 or 4 albums, they see music as being a consumable item and that it seems to becoming disposable and throwaway because society seems to be moving that way. They want to get the big selling single. It's rather tragic. While some of these will actually be good pieces of work, the will also be a lot chaff. I inhabit a completely different world from these people, I like digital music, but if I can get a physical CD, I'll quite happily opt for that, most of the bands I listen to are either on their own or small labels, very few are on big labels any more. I prefer things this way, it's nurturing talent and allowing for natural development so artists aren't fast tracked and seem as commodity generating money for someone else.

The Cure's "Friday I'm In Love" is a great pop tune, but listening to it alone, it's out of context, you don't have the 11 other songs on the album "Wish" which surround it. It's not that the song doesn't stand up on it's own, it's that the listener is missing out on a whole atmosphere/world that the song belongs to. I think it's far too easy for people to pick and choose individual tracks from music websites to buy, as it means they could be missing out on some of the best (or worst) music. They could be potentially be missing out by not experiencing something and thus not expanding their horizons. How often have you listened to an album and perhaps not been that keen on a song, but it slowly that song grows on you because you listen to the whole album without skipping tracks, and find it has become one of your favourites? I feel most people in our modern world don't have the patience or inclination to sit through a full experience of something, they want to pick and choose individual moments, that they know they will like and be worse off for the experience.

Anyone got any thoughts they'd like to share on this?

Riding the creative wave

This has been an odd week, I've been feeling more creative than usual, it was sparked by me re-working the old material in my last post, oddly I wrote some song lyrics that just seemed to come easisly and flow well. They'll need music to accompany them, but I am actually please with them.

I often wonder about what I come up with, if people will like it or not, I know I like it. A couple of the songs my old band stopped playing were because I didn't want to do them, I knew at the time they were fit for purpose, but personally I was not happy with parts, and it was things that re-writing wouldn't fix. So they ended up dropped from the set. It's nice if someone like's a song, but I don't feel that I need people like it, I just expect them to tolerate it without throwing half bricks.

With my old band I never set up to be a 'comedy' band, it was just that I find it far easier to write things that are either scathing and sarcastic, or are amusing, it's not a deliberate thing. We did music we liked and was generally upbeat and had lyrics that were funny. That doesn't make it a comedy band, though there's nothing wrong with that. Though I do wonder if some of the others felt they wanted to be part of something more serious. I really should get my finger out and work on more new material but also re-visit some of the old stuff, as I'm not really to can some of it yet.

2008 was the last time I played in a band. This year is when I do so again.